On hold. We’ve all been on hold. Put me on hold, you go on speaker so I can do something else more productive while I am waiting for you to get back to me, like listening to Neko Case, writing, or eating… even if I am driving.
Don’t ask me to press 1 for English. It is our language in America. I would much rather hear “for Spanish, numero dos. For French, troi. For German, eins. For any language found in India, we can’t really help you since there are more than 400 unique dialects in your country so please hang up, go online or see us in person.”
Why? Two reasons. One, it is longer and I don’t have to deal with whatever obnoxious Yannified tepid Jazz chosen for my audio entertainment. Two, it’s somewhat entertaining on its own and doesn’t make me press 1 for English.
For those of you with a rotary dial phone, please stay on the line. What? Rotary dial. If a company thinks they really need to inform us about rotary phones, I don’t think they are going far enough. Expand your telephonic horizons.
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For those of you in a phone booth using quarters, please deposit another five dollars. Hopefully we will get to you before they’re all used up.
For those of you with a data-deprived flip phone, we’re sorry. Yes we will get to you eventually, we’re just sorry you have a data-deprived flip phone.
For those of you on a party line, please hang up. Surely, someone will have need of the line before we get to you, you crazy agricentric rural nut.
For those of you with a rotary phone. Really. Really? Rotary? Are you joking?
Tags: flip phone, Neko Case, on hold, on hold music, party line, phone booth, press 1 for english, rotary phone, yanni
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